My neighbor told me recently that I have "used up more than nine lives." What do you suppose she meant by that? Was she calling me a pussy, or was she calling me not a pussy? By comparing me to a cat she was clearly calling me a pussy, but by saying I've had more than nine lives she was clearly saying that I am better than a cat. What's better than a cat? A dog. Was she calling me a dog? It's tough to say, but dogs don't have nine lives, so she couldn't have cryptically been calling me a dog. So what is better than a cat and a dog put together? I wish I knew the answer to that age old question, "Who would win in a fight, a dog or a monkey?" If I could say for sure that a monkey would win that fight, I could deduce that my neighbor was calling me a monkey, but I cannot on both counts. So what then, is better than a dog and cat put together with a boxing chimp? Obviously it's a shark, but since I can't breathe under water she surely wasn't calling me a shark.
On an unrelated subject, I went to the woodshed to get a shovel earlier. It was time to bury the little woodpecker at the base of the old walnut tree. Just as I was getting to the door of the shed though, a young buck bolted out right at me. I froze, and it veered away at the last second. It stopped about fifteen feet away and turned to face me. We stared at each other for at least a minute. I must admit I was afraid of the little guy. He had two six inch antlers sticking out of the top of his head, just enough to pierce a lung, or ventricle, and he looked like he was ready to use them. I backed down. I grabbed the shovel and took the long way to the walnut tree. Later I saw him chasing a young doe around the yard, and I'm pretty sure he was showing pink. For those of you who don't know their anatomy of the Animal Kingdom, that's a dog boner.
I think I just figured it out. Clearly the only thing better than a dog and cat put together with a boxing chimp, besides a shark, is a stag with a dog boner. So when she said that I have "used up more than nine lives" what she was really saying was "You my friend, are showing pink."
No comments:
Post a Comment