Where We Came From

I was once told a fantastic story that I’d like to relate, because I think everybody should hear it. A woman I know once told me what she believes to be the History of Humankind. It goes a little something like this:

Women came before Men. They were their own race of people, completely self reliant. Women reproduced by stimulating the then active female prostate. Women’s DNA arrived on Earth on the back of a flying turtle, or maybe a living flying saucer that was shaped much like a turtle and upon arriving on Earth evolved into a turtle, and the DNA was distributed throughout the planet on the back of said turtle. Men only came to be when the women began copulating with monkeys, thus contaminating their pure bloodline.

This theory poses a number of questions.

1) Where did the DNA actually come from?
2) Where did the turtle come from?
3) Why was female DNA on the back of a space turtle?
4) Why did the turtle and/or DNA not burn up during entry into the atmosphere?
5) How exactly did women stimulate their prostate? And to follow up, did they help each other?
6) Why, if they had it so good, did women start screwing monkeys?
7) Is that where AIDS came from?
8) Do women think they are superior because Men came from monkeys and they did not?
9) How superior can they be, they screwed monkeys.

I searched around on the internet for a while and couldn’t find anything on the subject, so to answer these questions I’ll have to go to the source. Wish me luck.