Martyrbation

Those we call The Powers That Be have pulled a hot one. I was feeling below average on the Brain Chart today, so I tried to load my phone version of Brain Challenge for a little boost. I was dismayed to find that it would no longer load. “Funk and Wagnall’s!” I exclaimed, “They sold me a game with an expiry date.” Then, when I tried to get it anew, I found the download page didn’t work either! That is when I realized what was happening. I was up to 58%, and I think those bastards were afraid they were creating a monster. Maybe they’ve been monitoring my blog as well, and got nervous when I began leaning toward world domination. In a move reminiscent of the executions of Justin of Samaria, and Jesus himself, they pulled the plug on Brain Challenge. They realized they had a messiah in the making on their hands, and didn’t want to deal with the repercussions.

“Keep the layman laid.” That is the policy of big corporation. Don’t let the little guy get bigger than his britches. But this time they’ve failed. They think they’ve halted my ascension by taking Brain Challenge out of the equation, but they’re mistaken. I will not allow my mind to be a martyr. I will soldier on, because if I learned anything from Brain Challenge it is that I really do have a Good Memory, and I remember now. I remember I have a thirst that can only be slaked by a quest for knowledge. It’s too late for those who sit around in cummerbunds plotting to keep the masses downtrodden. It’s too late, because they’ve already created a mental monster, and this monster remembers a time before his astuteness was dulled by daily drudgery. Brain Challenge was my Whetstone of Wits, and I have honed them back into a formidable weapon.

So I may not have Brain Challenge any longer, but it was long worn out from its task of sharpening my Katana of Kanowledge. So I may not have their “Brain Capacity” percentages to mark my progress, but I have transcended mainstream cerebral parameters. I have awoken from The Matrix if you will. I am no longer playing their game.