This Whole Brain Thing

Let me first say that I am not one of those people who sit on public transit with their faces buried in a tiny little screen playing Tetris or Texas Hold ‘Em. Those people suck. I listen to my iPod, it’s different. I did however, at a weak moment, download a game for my phone (I even paid six dollars), but this particular game is different. It’s a brain game. Brain Challenge, to be exact. It consists of exercises for the brain that one can use to improve their overall “Brain Capacity”.

(Sidebar: Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe “capacity” can be used synonymously with “potential”, and I don’t think “potential” is something that can be improved by playing video games, regardless of how educational they may be. I don’t think “potential” is limitless. I think it is the limit. I think if you reach your potential, you have nowhere left to go. I’ve always believed this, so have never tried to reach mine).

Sidebar aside, this new game is great. It breaks the brain down into four categories; Logic, Math, Memory, and Visual. There are numerous exercises under each category, each working a different aspect of the brain. My results have been interesting, not at all what I expected. Logic (which I associate with Problem Solving) is actually my lowest score, so I think there must be something wrong with those particular exercises, a glitch perhaps, where the scores are reversed. Math is next, which I thought would be my lowest, because growing up I always concentrated on Words, leaving numbers to those who lack imagination. My second highest score is in Visual, which is essentially Logic of the Eyes. And my best score, by a long shot, is Memory. This is most perplexing, because I have a terrible memory. I once almost died (pre-immortality realization) when I nearly choked on a bite of hot dog that I forgot to swallow. When I was a superhero on Planet Nakahi I forgot to get up early and stop Admiral Wheke from detonating the Tupuhi and destroying said planet. I had to move to Earth because every Tangata became a mutant Ngata. Needless to say,

So far, after playing the game for a month, I’m at thirty-three percent Brain Capacity. I’m not sure what that means exactly, but I do know that if they’re telling me that I am currently only using thirty-three percent of my brain’s potential then I am a god damn genius in the making, pardon my French. Seriously though, watch out. At just fifty percent Brain Capacity I’ll be going around claiming Ken Wilbur is a moron and crackpot, at seventy percent I’ll be world renowned as the leading expert in pretty much everything, and at ninety? At ninety percent Brain Capacity I will likely have a frontal lobe the size of the grill of a 1950 Buick Roadmaster. I will be unstoppable.